Up with the bats and the birds - Fri. 13th October

Finally knodded off at around 1:45am and awoke, suddenly, at 4:30. Not an untypical experience for me. I do not get wound-up by this anymore. On this occasion I lay in bed for a while, running through a gentle routine of stretching and relaxing my muscles, from toe to head. Upon concluding this little ritual I decided to get up, and quietly came downstairs.

Yesterday was a quiet one. I had some stomach pains, but these were bearable. Energy levels not too bad at all (a bit of a dip in the afternoon, that's all), and just a few mild aches in the limbs. All-in-all, pretty good. I tried reading for a while, but just could not hold the information... cest la vie!

I am now off to write some 'things to do' in my little reminder pad. Postick notes, calendar, mobile phone organiser and oven timer are all important memory aides in my life now. When I worked with dyslexic students as an Advisor, I remember encouraging them to use all these means to improve their functioning... which reminds me, I must get a book out about mnemonic memory techniques ( probably Tony Buzan's - although I can't stand the smug little git!). I have some ideas about exercising this brain, which I will share at some future date, no doubt.

Into the Gym - Wed. 4th October

This is the gym I go to. The gentleman with the weights is NOT me - he's much leaner and younger!


Nearly three years since I was first diagnosed with CFS. I am just the wrong side of forty, and I am sure that 'middle aged spread' would have occurred anyway. However, this tendency has been accelerated, I think, by my fatigue. Acting on Doctor's orders, I have attempted to discipline myself and exercise. Trust me, the last thing I want to do are press-ups, weights and walking - but I have managed to do some light work. Nevertheless, I am now several stone overweight, and this cannot be doing me any good.

Accordingly, I requested a gym referral from my Doc, and this has just started (last Friday). This entitles me to free access to a local gym for three months, under the direction of a qualified gym instructor. I have been three times so far, and I am convinced that it will do me a lot of good. Monday's session was the most testing, as I had one of my three-day long headaches. I did waver a bit, contemplating giving it a miss. However, given how rarely I feel physically comfortable I decided to grin and bear it. I gritted my teeth and completed the session, which much pleased me. Sure, later on I was lying prostrate on my bed for a couple of hours with a pounding head - but I probably would have been stricken anyway, regardless. I consider this new regime as a way of my taking up the reins of my own destiny.

Today, was better. Energy levels were very good, and I was comfortably able to do my work. It helps that I - through boxing, football and martial arts - am familiar with gyms and exercise regimes. I couldn't help reminiscing about the days when I would routinely do x500 sit-ups a day, no bother. How sad I would sound were I to voice that fact. What a sad middle-aged git! Still, this is where I am now, and I am pretty pleased with myself today.

On a more negative note, I had to ask Lynn (my partner) the names of a friend's wife and child today. Memory loss is one of the banes of my life with CFS. Pre-illness, I was noted for having excellent recall, and I miss it. I also find it very disempowering and humiliating to have to ask for such information. Many times I actually hide my befuddlement, and do not ask. Perhaps, with a fitter body will come a fitter mind. We shall see...

~ Colin