Up with the bats and the birds - Fri. 13th October

Finally knodded off at around 1:45am and awoke, suddenly, at 4:30. Not an untypical experience for me. I do not get wound-up by this anymore. On this occasion I lay in bed for a while, running through a gentle routine of stretching and relaxing my muscles, from toe to head. Upon concluding this little ritual I decided to get up, and quietly came downstairs.

Yesterday was a quiet one. I had some stomach pains, but these were bearable. Energy levels not too bad at all (a bit of a dip in the afternoon, that's all), and just a few mild aches in the limbs. All-in-all, pretty good. I tried reading for a while, but just could not hold the information... cest la vie!

I am now off to write some 'things to do' in my little reminder pad. Postick notes, calendar, mobile phone organiser and oven timer are all important memory aides in my life now. When I worked with dyslexic students as an Advisor, I remember encouraging them to use all these means to improve their functioning... which reminds me, I must get a book out about mnemonic memory techniques ( probably Tony Buzan's - although I can't stand the smug little git!). I have some ideas about exercising this brain, which I will share at some future date, no doubt.

The way I see it is... frankly, worrying.

I was in a charity shop the other day, looking at some books. One work in particular caught my eye; the author, hitherto unknown to me, was named Scot Land. Another glance and I nearly laughed out loud upon realising that it was a book entitled, 'Scotland'. Later, I saw a book entitled 'Ellington - Master of Strategy'. Being something of a jazz fan I thought I'd take a closer look. Upon inspection, it turned out to be 'Wellington - Man of Strategy'. At this, I did giggle nervously - and received suspicious repressed English glances for this outrageous breach of conformity.

It might be that I'm stoopid; but I like to think it's the effect of CFS-induced insomnia. Seriously, there is a moderately competant human being in here somewhere. Goodnight....

Awake & exhausted - Fri. 6th October (c5:30am)

A restless night. Insomnia is one of the curses of my condition! Some nights I just lie there and give my body a rest. At other times I get up and try and use the time. Upon waking I often recognise immediately if I am not going to get back to sleep. It is an undescribable physical sensation - at least, I have failed to find words to describe it, anyway.

I think that this night's slumber was interrupted due to discomfort in my stomach (griping pains). Over the last couple of months I have been getting pain of varying degrees in this area, and this is currently under investigation. Without wishing to jump the gun on diagnosis, a friend of mine (and fellow Chronic Fatigue Syndrome sufferer) has suggested that Irritable Bowell Syndrome and CFS are often associated. I simply do not have sufficient knowledge of the field to know this, but will ask my doctor, whom I am due to see this morning (I have just written a note to myself).

It is hard to be upbeat at this time in the morning, when you are feeling like shit. At least the headache has receded. However, I know from bitter experience that a price will be paid for this sleep deprivation. I am going to go to the gym again today, and am nervous about it. It's that paradox I mentioned in yesterday's post: do you work through the discomfort and risk crashing, or do you rest up and risk not breaking the cycle of exhaustion. I'm going for the former approach.